Current
by Spicha
Summary: Why was Bella's night so restless after the film in Biology? From Edward's POV. It's not intended to be voyeuristic, as Edward is as innocent as Bella in that respect. But it is an awakening. All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Please review!


**Current**

My curiosity mingled with the impatience I usually only felt during the hushed pause Bella left in her carefully worded replies. I didn't generally feel this frustrated at night while I waited for her to drift to sleep; I suppose because I knew it was as close to reading her thoughts as I was ever likely to get. It was relief—anticipation, rather than impatience that always accompanied me to her darkened window. Not tonight.

Saving Bella last night in Port Angeles awakened something in me I didn't recognize. It wasn't like the nights of my past when I hunted demons to save innocents, playing God to sate my thirst. I had beaten back the monster her blood had called forth only to have the human in me, the man that I thought dead, awakening in its place. I could have killed again last night for her, after all these years, though it wouldn't have been the same. The monster would have killed, but with the fury of the man.

I could never have predicted the turn my existence has taken since she came here. I veered off course, out of control; all the way to Denali. But I came back, determined to master my own fate again: I, immortal, untouchable and unchangeable. And my family! The separation in the lunchroom today was indicative of the growing turmoil that is permeating my entire existence! Until last night, I'd been able to maintain some measure of order. Her presence kept throwing me off guard, to be sure, but I was still at the wheel. I made sure of it. Then my defenses fell. I let her in.

Tonight, I needed to readjust…again. Perhaps the new honesty during lunch was to blame. In that one conversation, we reduced the wall so carefully maintained between our kinds to dust. I was able to sit so close to her in Biology, feeling confident, happily at ease. Then Mr. Banner turned out the lights. The current that flowed instantaneously between us was like nothing I'd ever felt before, fueling some new need I couldn't define or explain. I felt _desire_: strong, amusing and disconcerting. I knew I could not touch her. I'd avoided it so carefully. Yet, in that moment, as I was leaving her, I had to. I _wanted_ to. Afterwards, I thought I'd recovered, broken the spell, until I took her home. Locked in each others eyes, we sat frozen, electric, until her breathing released us both. Thirst and fury I've managed with astonishing success, but not this hunger. And, almost more disquieting, it wasn't just me. Bella obviously felt the same pull, clamping her fists to her ribs, matching my movements, meeting my smile. Our mutual craving left her speechless and me shaken, somehow finding a life of its own, out of my grasp.

I_ had_ to find a way to control it, this wanting. The run through the woods to Bella's house hadn't helped as much as I'd hoped. So, I stood, irritated, waiting for her to turn off her light. I paced through the edge of the forest, becoming more anxious with each turn. Finally, the house went dark. Soon I would be able to watch her sleep and hear her dreams. If only I knew for certain what she was thinking, I could prepare for the coming day, make plans. If I could dissect the mystery of this new urgency between us, I might be able to contain it.

Once she was asleep, I hurried, silently, up the side of her house and opened her window. Bella was curled up on her side, shivering delicately every so often. I flashed to her closet to wait until I was sure she was deeply asleep. Then, she whispered my name, softly, urgently; not merely dreaming of me this time, but beckoning me to her. I responded too eagerly, and knelt by her side. Watching her still face, the same sudden charge I felt this afternoon caught me off guard again. I gasped. She spoke my name a second time, but this time her voice was lower, breathless. Her fingers curled around the quilt, exposing her bitten nails. I lifted my hand and, remembering the temporary peace I reclaimed this afternoon, stroked her fingers with the back of my own. She sighed and furrowed her brow as her breathing increased. I realized my chest rose and fell in time with hers. Her pulse quickened, stirring my thirst. I moved my hand to let it rest gently over hers until her head tossed impatiently. Her chin jutted up as she rolled onto her back. I retreated to the closet just in time. She opened her eyes, catching her breath for a moment before slowly releasing it, rubbing her forehead roughly with her palm.

Hidden there, in the shadows, I held my breath, willing my thirst to subside. I mastered it with surprisingly little difficulty. The ache to touch her again, however, refused to fade as easily. I wondered if repeating the experience would numb the sensation. I don't know how long it took her to fall deeply asleep enough for me to approach her again. Too long, it seemed; though it might have only been moments, lost as I was in her. As soon as her breathing evened, I crept back to her, my impatience silencing the dread I was beginning to feel that my plan might backfire, that I shouldn't get so close. This time, drawn more forcefully by the current that readily passed between us, I lightly traced her cheek with my fingers down to her jaw. She turned into my suddenly frozen hand, lifting and lowering her features, slowly continuing the movement. A new sound accompanied my whispered name then: a moan, gruff and restless. I started as the intensity jolted through me, vanishing into the dimness again as she awoke. She sat up, holding her knees, resting her head on her folded arms, and sighed. Then, with one arm still draped across her eyes, she threw herself back against her pillow with a growl. I nearly laughed out loud! I mouthed the word, so nearly a declaration, yet less than a whisper, "Bella."

I resigned myself to the apparent uselessness of my plan while I waited for her to return to her dreaming. I knew there was no reason to go to her again, it was only making the situation worse, but I couldn't help it. I was no closer to unraveling the mystery of this new need than I was when I arrived tonight. In truth, repeating the exercise only made being close to her more painfully sweet than I could have imagined. But I knelt beside her again; then once more, resting my head on her outstretched hand, lost in her. She was so beautiful. And so, the night progressed.

I left her sleeping peacefully early in the morning, remembering her human limitations and feeling guilty for disturbing her sleep, but also a trifle smug that I could so alter her dreams. Beyond the anxiety I had begun to feel during my absence from her, there was now sadness. Still, I didn't understand the effect Bella had on me. I was more desperate than ever to find the answers to all the questions her mind kept hidden from me. I stood on the edge of a crumbling precipice, almost willing the ground to give way beneath my feet, vertiginous. As I ran back to my family, I knew I was leaving part of myself behind with the angel sleeping in the darkened room that had become my solace. A new comprehension occurred to me then, one as filled with beauty as it was with horror. The two parts of my being had fractured along an unseen fault line into a most blasphemous trinity: vampire, monster, man…and I had no idea who would win.


End file.
